Encore: Parenting a Transgender Child

November 26, 2013

When Sara and Micah’s oldest daughter Naima showed resistance to wearing dresses and playing typical “girl” games, they thought she was a tomboy who someday could be a lesbian, until the day when Naima told Sara she shouldn’t keep correcting people when they confused Naima for a boy.
 
It’s been about a year now since Naima became Daniel, with full support from his school, friends and parents. But as he grows older, there are lots of unanswered questions. Daniel is 8, but what happens in a few years when he hits puberty? This hour on Focus, we'll listen back to when Host Jim Meadows talked with Sara and Micah about their son and about his transition from Naima to Daniel at school, at home and in the community.
 
Psychologist Marco Hidalgo, who works with transgender youth and gender non-conforming youth at the Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago also joined us. He talked about what options transgender children and parents have as kids grow older and will talk with us about some of the social obstacles transgender youth face.

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Transcript for file: transgenderparentingweb.mp3

00:00:00

Sarah and Michael iRacing two kids in Champaign Urbana raising children
raising children it’s always a particular 171
what is there children is transgender porn biologically a girl to Farmington MN
for me to live is a pole Sarah and Michael have supported the transmission

00:00:30

found accept school friends
French transgender kids and family September events genetic
jennette 7 month and a psychologist
psychologist to work transgender you and your family

a program to say after the news good
good morning I’m Jim meadows in your listening to an encore broadcast of a previous focus

00:01:05

focus program for not taking calls this hour but will be back live on Monday
live on Monday at 10 a.m. Wyll AM 580 today
today is National Coming Out Day created to support lesbians gays b********
b******** transgender people choose to live their lives open like today we’re looking at an entire
looking at an entire family that come out as they put it come out as a family with a transgender child
Sarah and Michael live in champaign-urbana have 2 children what form is transgender
transgender the vastus not to use their last names but they do want to share their story

00:01:40

story of joining us also is Marco Hildalgo use a clinical psychologist in the gender
the gender and sex development program a division of adolescent medicine at the end and Robert H
Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago clinica de works at is
what is the only one in Illinois that works with transgenders kids in the gender for me
Marco welcome to focus thank you Jim and welcome to the program Sara and Michael
thank you so much for having us Michael ansara tell me a little bit about your oldest child and
oldest child Enya um Daniels incredible kid he

00:02:15

is very sensitive to the needs of others and nurturing as overall to his
overall to his little brother into friends he’s a little bit on the side side to be call him an introvert
introverts very athletic kinesthetic and any kind of sports
kind of sports and an all of her well rounded 8 year olds in every way
and every way he wasn’t always stand correct when he was born
porn he was born we came up with the name 935 very proud of that name in religion
Naaman really to Connor Eminem to him but I didn early age

00:02:50

when he could start figure out what you want to wear what you wanted to do you start a goat in towards
towards boy clothes that you can pick out a good always choose a male swimsuit heat
tutti you we we went round and round about this and want to just wear swim trunks
monks of from early on he would try to pee standing up an
and he was really interested in sharing his time with his voice
boyfriend boys that were friends and wanted to do all the things that they were doing
where do it wasn’t interested in hanging with the girls and

00:03:25

he’s definitely more balance now and shares a variety of friends but it is
what is it for the long as we can remember when he started to have the choices clothing goes he was
he was choosing a masculine clothing what is there a certain
Sarah certain point we’re on the clothes you in this wasn’t just a quirk are a phase
are a phase but really um um um of a major situation
majors at UA sinister how your child felt yeah uh I mean there was that say that
let’s say the time to really helps is a little bit over your go on really realized what

00:04:00

what to if we had to pull a blunt with silver for not going on he is Daniel
I’m sorry you turn transgender Peter lead to put them in a box but he is just Daniel
is about your goat weed really figured out that he want to be considered a boy
little boy I’m over it was really in a large part 2 are friends on that really helped us
really help us see what we’re doing with time pepper take your situation that had occurred is
what is um we had once again encountered a situation where someone mistook
1 mystic Daniel for inside your son your son and at the time

00:04:35

and at the time I Mike and I were correcting people and say nose is my daughter and we get funny looks
funny looks all the time and so we went home after one of those situations I ask Daniel I say
Daniel I said I don’t want you to ever feel awkward in these situations when people
when people when Im correcting people what do you want me to do what you want me to correct people
and say my daughter or do you want me to just say yes my son
my son and he said I want you to say I’m a boy and that’s who I feel like I am
feel like I am and so very clearly at that starred dining room table

00:05:10

dining room table we had a very a in-depth conversation about his feelings
his feelings and he was so articulate in expressing his house always felt
how is always felt this way how is always felt like a boy and he feels like he’s in the wrong
feel like you’re in the wrong body and he wants to be called by boy names so
dining room table that night we came up with Daniel which is
is a little bit of it comes from Michaels grandfather and Michaels middle name
middle name and so we wanted to keep some connections 2

00:05:45

into um important name and it was the name of middle name with Daniela
Daniela so we took that shorten dead just fit right at the same time release
why I’m really impressed at a very seems to have been very certain and just Ferry Rd
just very articulate about about his feelings about who he is
and that’s really Gatos realize what we’re doing with because the way he spoke about it
he spoke about it we could tell he had been internalized this conversation for years
but it isn’t something that we just had a conversation this night of a son he’s choosing today

00:06:20

today I want to be a boy today know the way he was talking the way he was responding to the
Finding to the questions that she made a very Crispin something an ongoing for years
is been processing in trying to deal with Virginia was ready to go full speed ahead
the hat with telling everybody time is school telling his friends telling family
family and letting them know that I know now and I want to be called a boy
boy and so we went to the school the very next day with plan to talk to
talk to the head of the school Kathy Weber um at Countryside and

00:06:55

and if we didn’t get a chance to talk to her but daniel is a ball of nerves
nerves and he being shy cat daddy is he still was still something so strong
strong and big in him that he went and spoke to her himself and his
what is at the first opportunity he had he sit down with her and he said I feel like a boy
I feel like a boy I want to be call Daniel and um we’re just so proud of you
just so proud of him for being able to express himself so clearly
so clearly a 2 in adults which is often very intimate meaning for him

00:07:30

for him I’m wondering what you were feeling and thinking affect the time um
um no I understand you both a background in psychology and social work so you must haves
steps to take if you have some stuff for military with working with family issues
what is your own family issues so why how how was it for you
if it weren’t here again she was so ready to come out once we figured out
120 cigarette out what this was a movie when he was ready full steam ahead I know serenite WI
Fahrenheit we were still like trying to catch up and can’t figure it all out of our heads

00:08:05

I get a Bena social work in cycles backgrounds we always view the more as that
how he was a lesbian with younger always in o7 pictures of marrying a nice beautiful
nice beautiful woman sushi when I stress and gun dancing girls
gundamn for girls so we define as lesbian im as soon as it happened on iOS
IOC the first chance I had to process whats the song was and how to clean with contract
Direct was when I went back to school after dinner came out as principal
and I sit down with her and she just says no Dana from the room

00:08:40

the room you said he’s a boy is going to call dentist for going to do and for me that was my moment of just
adjust while it’s going to be a snot is right for process iPod into have the school
when to have the skull behind this like that I was able to start crying in front of Kathy Weber and not really
that was my first got to start processing of myself Kathy Weber is the head of the
the head of the countryside school and speaking with friends who really
really how to make the connect the dots hear about what could be going on with Daniel
Daniel and that putting a name to the to this that maybe

00:09:15

that may be Daniels transgender and just having the outpouring of support for my friends
guns and family it’s Ben its been overwhelmingly incredible and
ball and we feel very fortunate because we know the road is not always easy for these kids
kids I think the one piece to is that even as a backup restore
restorable Austin to know what to do I was able to throw some college to work
how to work able to find out about the up center and we were able to contact Kevin who is head of the Apes
as head of center and without his support will never get through this as a family and

00:09:50

and just a feeling something a little bit more the up center of Champaign County Assessor
is a is an organization which provide support for for gays lesbians trance
lesbians transgender people of b******** exactly exactly offer support groups for
support groups for families in just one on one um meeting stew
things to talk about over and they were there a mediately um just as
as a support group 2s and listening to us helping us navigate how to
Gate how to proceed in how to communicate with our school to get Daniels needs Matt so that everyone

00:10:25

so that everyone felt comfortable and Daniel felt safe and is Kevin
and is Kevin put it to I said it was not just Daniel coming out but it was our
who was our family coming out and not really has resonated with us overall and width
rauland with my kids parents who were at the school the day that we shared with
that we shared with the teachers of what had been going on and how we were going to
who talk to the students in his class about Daniel Island
land of make the transition be known so it really was

00:11:00

it really wasn’t it was the morning process for us a good morning the loss of
the loss of our daughter and all that we had a maginze for her life
what life was going to be like for her what you do is a parents and so we had to
so we had to recalibrate we had to think of things different think of all the different
think of all the different possibilities but concerns of who’s going to love my child who is
who is going to understanding be accepting of my child um are things I still strong
things I still struggle with but I feel so much more confident now than I did in the beginning

00:11:35

beginning and have come we all have come a long way as a family in our understanding of
um of this this is focus mg medicine for talking with my
talking with Michael and Sara parents of a transgender child and with Marco Duncan clinic
clinical psychologist with E and Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago works
works of transgender youth you can call us with your comments and questions are phone number toll free
number toll free is 1 800 222 9455 Harney mail addresses
email addresses will dash talk at illinois.edu Michael

00:12:10

Marco’s algo im you for listening all this time im in some way sounds like
sounds like a really really simple clear cut the decision
decision making process I gathered doesn’t work that way with everybody
FFA Louis right first of all I think from what I’ve heard
what I’ve heard photos from Michael and Sara I just want to come and you both on the approach
the approach that you can really affirming Daniel to be true to size
to Daniels gender self I think that’s really important eyes of the other

00:12:45

some of the other things I heard it Daniela speak becoming an continuing to develop into
who develop into a really well adjusted child as I feel safe and hooch
and who he has a couple other things I think that are really unique
unique and some ways eyes to your situation but also incredibly hot
positive is the example of how you know your child
child how your situation is just a lot easier to navigate when there are people
when there are people from the school when there are people who are your friends for supportive

00:13:20

order of this process really confusing for parents and for kids
I think the fact that you’re and Champaign Urbana
app to spell some ass that I’ve ever been or rural communities
communities arm progressively minded people there that are thinking about
King about gender health of cats so I thank you thank you
thank you I jump to get to your question I think you’re right there’s a whole lot of variation in terms of what
terms of what we see I come to work on Mac im any of the family

00:13:55

many of the families are you having them questions just like us Sarah articulate
Sarah articulated a few months ago I sometimes concerns sometimes feelings of grief
feelings of grief but nonetheless are really trying to understand their child
there’s always that sort of a bottom line a red thread out
where in every family regardless of how much confusion there might be
are we meeting family filter very clear that there’s so much love
love between parent and child I have to work all is really to help them

00:14:30

relate to help them try to understand I was a child coming from and
and I think also part of our jobs around Education because so much of what we know
what we know about gender development
and we live in a fairly odd binary kind of society
the fighting when it comes to the gender options in categories that we have to choose from now saying that
housing that children are expressing a degree fluidity in a very healthy
adopted way but that I challenging for many folks

00:15:05

maybe you maybe we can not talk about some of the terms here because I think we already talked about
already talked about the difference when you were talking about wondering if your child was going to grow up
what’s going to grow up as as a lesbian which is a difference ink from a kid
gender identity so how to talk about the saying well I’m happy to
what to give sort of I think a very I’m brief but I think im portant kind of
kind of terminology a background first of all I think that the idea of lesbian and gay
lesbian gay bisexual does fall under the category of sexual orientation

00:15:40

sometimes referred to a sexual identity which is basically be the gender of
Vijender to which you are most attracted to sexually or romantically
romantically or intimately the three different gender identity force acts out of
ulcer to talk about facts and then gender and two aspects of gender that that we
that that we all have our gender identity under pressure
the first person sex for first to their physical and out of me
which is used to determine a baby’s gender at birth sometimes referred to as

00:16:15

Nadal gender Elon Musk aces the presence of a penis indicates a
make a fake noodle gender of male and the presence of a vagina with Enrique tomato gender
gender of female gender identity is different if the
how to psychologically rooted Airport internal components of each other
parkour sense of being either male female bows
iPhone or something else the two aspects of gender identity to keep in mind that
reminder that won its internal invisible to others and

00:16:50

and if there for determined by the individual another word for the term in Bible
the term in by parents here’s the clothes if someone wears
I got the toys 1 place 1 place with a lot of note
note people typically have a pretty solid sensitive gender identity by about 86 Anamosa
most cases of identity will match their birthday sign gender are there male gender
gender I’m every SMAN about Andy’s exclamations
Masons are not completely accurate estimate about 1500 cases

00:17:25

cases if identity does not match 1980 gender
about gender identity that when we think about it and I mention that usually
that usually 5886 people tend to know but I’ve we also
we also see that gender identity can develop even after 86 times in adolescence
adolescence to adulthood sewing into a gender expression
expression which is either affect gender in Manchester essentially how we externalizare
externalizare gender in order to communicate are gender people begin

00:18:00

begins at around h2 and that’s something that might I think you mention that you were noticing
several years ago you begin to notice eyes Daniels gender
gender expression that was notable expression can come before the firm
for the firm idea of identity absolutely an expression at that age can help
can help a child I mean it’s sort of a clue for many parents and I have a clue
who that there may be some internal gender identity
maybe different than an adult under eye what I want to say that’s not always the case

00:18:35

the case of gender nonconformity we can’t conflate gender expression with gender identity
gender identity important because gender expression it’s not always indicative
indicative of gender identity um mica
Michael and Sara I was wondering from something you something you were talking about earlier and Justin
and just of the fact that in some ways you you you missed the daughters
the daughter to the dental Houston the Daniel used to be your sources a feather but you were
what you were expecting Daniel Dennett Daniel Chevron station

00:19:10

the station listening to the broadcasters something you’ve talked over with yeah before you die doing
forget I do I think Marco 240 said to both Fahrenheit and thank you for the work you doing up in Chicago Marcos
Chicago Marco it really is helping families like us navigate to System much is urine sterile
what you doing I’m glad to hear that um so yeah
yeah im he has expressed Himself to us he he gets um what he’s been
what he spend with been through what is been like for us um he’s been able to express a boat in writing
recipe in writing and robitussin how much appreciated said they were very open communicative

00:19:45

communicative family so we probably be accused of talking to death with him
should I stay with him and how was your day I see 915 different ways of
um but when it came to seeing the name name
the name Niamh up around his room and an artwork that was around the house in just
just off in the beginning it was really hard for me I got very emotional over it
over it and I would share with him how I was feeling that I’m so proud of him and I Thai
what I want him to be exactly who he is because what realizes

00:20:20

relies most important is helping him build his confidence and he has
he has to go threw up something that most kids don’t and life is full
is full of challenges as it is in your address on top where you are
on a daily basis Hwy he was questioning which bathroom cycle in which line should I fit in
should I fit into having to answer those questions and confusion
confusion and just died heart how difficult that must be for him
him um but we sure did we talked about it he was able to talk about it

00:20:55

talk about that he was a little sad umm the likes his name nyeema and
and that he was a little sad about it too but um
I felt like all you know all the communicative
communicating redoing is encouraging his self esteem and his expression and
fashion and um and that that’s just are ultimately old is parents is
princes to help him be confident 430 exciting lately is that
is that from this is been a really help a transition for Daniel and one things

00:21:30

and one things we’ve been trying to come up with the middle name form of the fours name is my name is daniella sounds for
yellow sauce for steamed Daniel and I asked him what do you think about keeping your first name is your middle name
is your middle name you know how does it feel to using my email is your middle name and he was incomplete
who was incomplete support of it and I really show me that we had done things correctly
correctly is crackers we could have to support him to make him feel comfortable serious
set sounds like you recognize some important and taking time to adjust to process this transition
transition not just saying well that dont look back or anything like that but to remember

00:22:05

what to remember everything exactly yes it was a process and not just for us
prosperous in a family members that have a processor to an even friends and it wasn’t about nothing
about not supporting Denon who he was about that we all have to be to change our view
change our view what things are going to look like in the future and a big concern is no special speaking from
speaking for my father is that his toe concerns is the suicide rate depression
depression homelessness of Rochester Pacific Beach transgender
is gender kids and how difficult is going to be as it gets older and that’s a question mark

00:22:40

question maybe Marco you can feel a sin then this is what we’re talking about a child who seems to have
seems to have a lot of support is he going to be better off when it comes to those sodas
does soda statistical um of scary things happening out there
happening out there as far as as far as later in life absolutely have what we know from
no from some research that come out studying actually family acceptance related
related to gender identity an expression is that typically associated with a lot more
with a lot more protective factors including self esteem a positive self esteem

00:23:15

self esteem social support which is really important so many ways Andover Ohio
an overall health and early adulthood and when there is an absence
about support or there is a rejection or from other family members
family members or piers in the school we really see a downward Kaskade
cascade of a whole lot of psychosocial cities that out my command chance so depressing
depressive symptoms of low life satisfaction salacion self harm
self harm Homosassa as he mention I post traumatic stress

00:23:50

trav 50 and and and some cases suicide ality
I’m wondering a barcode with other people that you work with
what are the other families that come to you that I may be on more socially conservative
conservative on the on the issue of a transgender that maybe our bar
maybe might be hoping that you can change something you know we haven’t seen
we haven’t seen a whole lot of families who were hoping to change anything RR or under the eye
under the impression that we do corrective for repair in Arabic how we do it

00:24:25

how we do it count as a family is fat really don’t understand a man really have
really have questions sometimes parents who are angry about
the situation safe and placed and where they have to explain their child
child’s gender expression to others I sometimes parents who are angry about
angry about the fact that their child’s gender fluidity my change from jpay today
daytoday and I really want to understand that and I want to echo something that Michael
think that Michael you mention I think it’s really important and something I talk to parents about all the time

00:25:00

the time which is absolutely fine too I really need space
need space to process a thing as happily find to have the feeling that you do
do about what can be very challenging at first and important
importance of that is to be able to talk about it with someone like me I can do so
a privately and family session where the child is not present because apparel
because apparently could benefit from being able to talk about this thing and I think parents have to know that
how to know that the talk about those things as challenges in my face doesn’t make you a bad parent

00:25:35

parent doesn’t mean that you’re not accepting 11 child to a family make you high
make you a lot stronger because there’s so many things are going to have to advocate
child have regarding an and I think its N Out many parents
how to find the voice 307 I have an email in from a from Kimberly
from Kimberly thanks you for your courage and has a question for the both of us what is vine
what is vice would you have for other parents and children to navigate through Society
through societies insistence on gender role enforcement the question

00:26:10

big question I don’t know if there’s one easy answer and I know it
if I look at my background and I’m coming from Holocaust survivors I’m coming from Silverado
man from civil rights movement of participating is my father was in one thing I know it
one thing I know is that if we dont speak up nothing’s going to change in that I know ur car
I know were caught up right now Society of you know what a man is what a woman should dress how to
how to act bottom of the sea not in our society were not happy
overall society in something’s going on at the disconnect and

00:26:45

and my suggestion Merrick nations we need to stand up and support people bad do
do want a pendant with those rose a little bit and come up against rolls
MBTA route means we need to speak up means we can just sit back if someone’s been persecuted
made fun of it back and let them handle in ther battle that we have an album
we have an obligation as a society to speak up in support hose I don’t have a strong voice
voice at really does come on over to sight in a community and i know were capable of doing it
capable of doing it but we need to remember to do it and something that I got

00:27:20

easy thing to do but it starts with one person
we’re going to take a short break and will be back in a moment for conversation with mic
Michael and Sara about life with transgender son psychologist Marco Hidalgo
Asus focus on wyll good morning I’m Jim meadows
Jim Meadows this is focus in wyll you listening to an encore broadcast of APRI
cast of a previous focus program why were not taking calls this or you can join
can join a conversation on Facebook and Twitter at focus 580

00:27:55

we’re back on focus on wyll im Jim meadows in my guests are Michael and Sara
Micah and Sara Champaign Urbana couple with two children what is transgender exercise
exercising his friend preference delivers a boy also joining us a psychologist Marcos
how much is DeMarco Hidalgo who works with transgender UC’s with the enemy Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital
Children’s Hospital of Chicago Michael ansara what’s it like being Daniels mom and dad
mom and dad sings with him that you know that that’s just daily kids stuff like any other
absolutely free just had a parent teacher conference with his

00:28:30

incredibly wonderful 3rd grade teacher and uh she ever talk about that
talking about the homework complaints in the the wining the hair that we see sometimes she laughed
she laughed she just told us that is what she hears over and over again so yeah we’re doing with the
dealing with the averi normal very on track 8 year olds
8 year olds you’ve come across a good degree of acceptance and at school
set at school I mean hCG the change happen but I can say home couple schools ban in the city
is Ben and this is even coming from Kevin again for the ups Center in that he’s work for schools on more than me

00:29:05

what more than we have and his process coming for his thomas Howell understanding
understanding accepting a Ben and again the process of how they sent letters out the family
the family how to start for the principal comes to you and says this is how it is
what is and were behind you you know it’s going to be okay because she know she doesn’t Scotia decision
decisions and it has been a couple coming out to the class the families of office
is off of his classmates have been very supportive wonderful he’s been invited to all boys birthday
birthday parties immediately and we had nothing but positive from the schools

00:29:40

can I do want to say that we have had this public transit not always the case you have
if you have a community that’s ready to accept un bolso is the same way with
same way with the kids witch in some ways might be a reflection on the parents of the Dead
that Angelos friends except a message Daniel so the day that are the teachers
teachers maybe announcement date Sat everyone all the kids down at the carpet and its a 2nd 3rd
the 2nd 3rd grade class combined and um basically it was said that I did
udon new ball no no you my name is always shown an interesting boy sings

00:30:15

voice things sands of name of like to be called Daniel and wants to go by male pronoun
male pronouns and the kids kind of looked around each other insurance
southern traditional it said yes that make sense and there was very little discussion follow up
follow up by any questions the kids had it was they were taken to the teachers and
send within hours of the letter going home to the parents
Mike and I receive numerous supportive encouraging emails
fails and um it just continue to boost your confidence in

00:30:50

in knowing that we were going to be alright Foster had
wonderful support from our spiritual community at Sinai temple
we made a similar to his to his class there and
we’re at again very well received and there’s
there’s there’s been no uncomfortable situations of Fire and Ice
and that’s racist race is the question of Emmett Marco you can talk a little bit more
little bit more about this guy a sumo suit with with with fingers you were talking about

00:31:25

talking about their are transgender kids everywhere but the experiences of a maybe
name a bee have a baby different um I don’t know if you’ve met any other
any other transgender folks here in Champaign Urbana especially cats
we have not know that that’s one thing that we are missing I’m speaking a little bit
eating a little bit of Sarah’s parents to give a little bit of history that that it was a little bit more chance to her father
father and he just wants to seek professional help someone that’s the way he was raised you want to get expert opinions
pinions broadside a second he so we ASU’s reintroduces Daniel 2

00:32:00

Daniel to Grandpa completely behind him and soul for the president supportive so what we did
so what we then had to start doing is looking at where can I find a transgender youth agency can I relate
I relate to in and be friends with promise we couldn’t find any around here and I
your and out with him to camp which against grandparents in a pain for the support us in sport Daniel
Sport Daniel and I was on the East Coast so that’s quite a drive in shape to get somewhere
somewhere but um I was really worth it this was a summer camp for transgender
ginger for transgender boys girls both hands Ani UTEP both Daniels in a cabin with

00:32:35

what’s in a cabin with both male identify and kids and female identifying kids and 3
find kids in 3 year old and he had a magical summer camp experience were here
look around all the kids and feel like I belong and understand me
me and you didn’t actually want to come home after that week but um campus close
Campus closing so so he can’t wait for next year
novena accepted in feel like you fit in the past have to be released
really really special for for Daniel do you worry about Daniel having friends

00:33:10

friends as as as he gets older I definitely in concert right now in schools
right now schools to 8th grade so that feels like there’s a little questionnaire when we have to really a concern but the transition
but the transition high school is worth more the more than anything Ahmet store smart
does mark immunity notas understanding and um people are only going to know him is dead
is Daniel and you know when dating c*** in his all things parents and I we are always looking to that
look into that we can’t focus on tomorrow the timer always thinking about what’s going to happen we get this point
happened to get this point how can I prepare and start Hampton Inn at Scituate starting to think about purity

00:33:45

city of heavenly 8 but these things are happening tonight in sooner and thinking
Handsworth thinking about hormone blockers and cross hormone therapy
hormone therapy Zeno survey questions we have a about how to handle the situation
Asian send what’s going to make dinner feel most comfortable is a big decisions we have to make
have to make a coming up Marco maybe you can talk a little bit of
little bit about decisions like that what’s with children in Beaver Dam
ss far is how to say shins are made I don’t even know what Illinois law says about this

00:34:20

women don’t know what the recognition is a transgender conditions specially
especially with minors well I think it’s important to recognize it
950 transmission for a child to identify a transgender
what is the time difference in their navel gender in boss 2 aspects of one side of a social club
social component with his hands like in the case of my kind Farrah and Daniel
Daniels that’s already started so the process of a child really a
letting folks know how the child wants to identify a Child

00:34:55

child wants to be referred to as the family and the support system really hopefully
really hopefully following through with that I’d the next pieces
what you were mentioning me which are some of those issues at Duke
jesus said to come up around puberty for kids that I continue my feet
you might be gender nonconforming winder young kids and then continue to identify with a gender
with a gender difference in tornado gender of the idea of approaching puberty and watch
and watching their body change to be consistent with a needle gender that’s not true that they are in

00:35:30

ar 15 is really distressing as a sum of the xylem procedure
procedures that we have our eyes certainly reversible partially reverse
Marshall Lee reversible and then as a child gets older and becomes an adult to the left
do the left reversible or that the more surgical types of intervention now
now I think what kids who are around the age of puberty
puberty typically do are lockers what era had mentioned witch
which essentially the reversible process I wear a Child

00:36:05

who does identify as transgender or if gender
gender questioning that is really trying to figure out what is my internal gender identity
I believe they can go on the Fockers which serve the function of POS in Cuba
causing puberty of a possum proceso de fat highly distressing
distressing experience of your body changing before you’re ready for it to em is POS
is POS and you can either continue to understand your gender or if you are
if you are transgender and I know you could continue on those blocker

00:36:40

soccer till you’re about age 16 Naot legally we speak more in terms of some of the guys
some of the guidelines around help legally the age of consent in Illinois the same as it is
the same as it is in my state which is a pain to say that children cannot Us
cannot Us at the certain a medical interventions with
the consent of their parental guardians are legal guardian south
out of the guideline fat from afar physicians follow the same guidelines
guidelines for physicians follow the US and also international way around it

00:37:15

around ministration a form on Ice tickets usually blockers
Byron age of 12 is usually the earliest a child
talking to a blocker affect hormones the earliest a child
Harmons is 816 so whatever the choices army
Joyce’s are made marca what what what helpful Daniel needed to
to progress through adolescence Minot just those decisions made decisions as a
changes School in and meet up with more more people absolutely free trial

00:37:50

every child a friend and I would sail speak generally because I haven’t met Daniel
Daniel only heard of a snippet really have everything everything that makes Daniel Daniel
Daniel Daniel but some of the typical conversations I will have with I
I’ve young people and children and adolescents are talking about
talking about their worries for certain way you know what we’re revamp about getting older
getting older and things around Cape Verdean body changes usually come out
how do I negotiate you know who I am with my friend thats a big one

00:38:25

what ive got anything from how do I talk about my gender how do I talk about
about explaining photos that they might see if me from when I was still present
I was still present in my navel tender I think some of the conversations I have with
I have with parents during that time is what I mention already which is talking about
about gender development talking about their process of coming to terms with this major change
major change Ievan also what I like to think of his coaching which is sort of you know that
you know that was very thing nuts and bolts sort of a

00:39:00

parents need when it comes to answering questions at family members my ass
members my ass what are highly personal or that are sometimes challenging to ants
challenging to answer I’ll wait for them to applique on behalf of the child with a teacher that
teacher that may not understand things are with a school that may i
not not provide gender of for Maine accommodations for child
child so the other aspects of this kind of transition
Sarah and Michael you weren’t talking a little bit earlier

00:39:35

earlier about the acceptance of that your son head found at school
but also of also them really how happy he was
happy he wants to be able to go to that summer camp meet other transgender children in CA
UCA bill to find the closest relationships with with kids who are not transgender
transgender how is our are they able to accept him as they would any other kid or sit still
is there still just something you just get something to turn on closed
um I think he has very strong relationships what is peer group ear off

00:40:10

we start a question sleepovers and wondering how are other parent
how are other parents going to feel about that aspects of them
so we we do have questions but we we feel like it’s really important to just be
into just be open with friends in which people that he wants to be friends with a talking about
talking about the things are not trying to hide anything in there comforters at
fat and how we can move forward he he feels comfortable talk
comfortable talking about it seems you his confidence is grown the summer between cancer couple camp

00:40:45

couple can t wait to hear and wanted to camp TV show the counselor when it came time to change
game time to change in swimsuits which we had not planned head for a hero
he knew it was going to be out in open and it was going to be an uncomfortable situation in so he would
Shannon so he went up to a counselor and said you know what a transgender person is in the counselor said yeah
the counselor said yes he said well why a man says he was router see little let’s find
let’s find you somewhere else to to change and his confidence grew from that he was
rue from that he was so proud of himself for being able to express at end

00:41:20

sad and it take care of himself feel like all the ways
all the ways as parents all things were doing to encourage him
Tim to express himself and letting him know its okay
located this is going to hopefully carry his confidence through as pure
do as a pro chiz and things become harder and some ways
ways in which a little bit I don’t want to be right there are people that question
question are parenting know why you doing this is no case

00:41:55

and something against you gotta know our family you have to know who we are and are the talking dead have a 1000
did have a teener Leon right before he came up to the classroom nice to tune
he was a boner look very stressed you can tell he’s really nervous how to classmates regatta
going to accept Eminem take a man did you know we can we can and all this nervous
nervousness know if you have right now we don’t need to come out would you rather not come out
what come out an engineer vs right now to me said no that I cant lie
I can’t lie about who I am I’d rather be deal with the sinners and see how to connect

00:42:30

see how to accept me than live a lie rest of my life
the 700 the time in this isn’t he doesn’t see these things against the shot you want to
why you want to avoid stressful situations at all cost does not like it
does not like it up in front of people and so when he says to me as his father I know him Hugo cinema
you go to my eyes that’s on you to hear this is how big a twist Hammond
West Ham and I hope you know people just disagree nor stand at the disco start to see that
see that this is big in him this is in the human stressing out in holding him back and talking to the

00:43:05

talking to the time to Kathy in the teachers afterwards he has done 180 degree turn there in the sky
is coming out smiling so much more in so much while going to school to come out
come out naked just be something grease off shirt to cut through any anxiety
we are on this is focus on wyll im Jim meadows in
still time for your questions about transgender youth talking to parents of a transgender child
transgender child Michael ansara and with psychologist Marcos Valle go phone numbers
phone number is 1 800 22 29455 email addresses will talk

00:43:40

dash talk at Illinois a.edu I’m wondering is it Central Time
talk about what you want to be when he grows up huh meaning
expressions we had a long talk on a bike ride to school
bike ride to school the other day and you just tell me all the things that you pictures for his life he pictures and ice house
house with lots of yard in room to play on a trampoline E Cheese in Southaven kids season
seasons of having a beautiful wife and himself in handsome
farez job that uses for himself has not

00:44:15

has not gotten any interest in he’s not quite pinpoint in 1.5
but you love someone and um and very active so
active so you say he’s just a typical 8 year old boy this point
this point in again because reception opening retox someone to talk everything through Wii
we are my brother and his partner they have adopted two kids and so and there are
there are family and so dangerous is a side of you can fly logically birthstone
Owen adopting is no difference it’s all family and so I think

00:44:50

because he’s been brought up that way and Seamus part of arctan a family that he gets that is just something he can doing
something he can do it doesn’t need to stress about that either Michael every member at the beginning of the program
the program on uexpress to love again summary
seem to be glad to hear that Sarah and Michael
my camera to find some support in downstate Illinois ISAT should say that
for have something that since Champaign Urbana parts from other parts of State Illinois is that it is
is that it is a big university town and I think some of the cultural dimensions

00:45:25

the mansions of the community are little different from a lot of areas of a room
map of Aurora Illinois um what do when is the kids the Houston family
the youth and families that you work with where do they come from and what degrees off
freeze off of you know what degrees of challenge in opposition do they deal with this far is peak
far is being transgender overall there is a lack of resources
how to provide gender firming support other in mental health care
health care Oregon medical care for Children and Families FL

00:46:00

even in the city of Chicago we are I want to have se
maybe two to three other i5 hear that support
support juggernaut conforming individuals we happened to focus mainly on children
children and adolescents kids from Chicago we also see them from
from the Greater Metro area of from Northern Illinois
Hawaii I northeastern northwestern Indiana
but we’re starting to get more and more family is coming from throughout the Midwest

00:46:35

really the only center in the Midwest so high
I think are one of our challenges is that we can’t seem to reach every
how to reach everyone the way that we want to NFL part of what we really thinking about
really thinking about is how do we then help other facilities what is AB Hospital
hospitals are community centers around the Midwest to be able to provide
provide a kind of support that we do I feel that we have more people out there
can help families in need what are the things that strikes and I really wanna

00:47:10

what I really wanted to say I think why it’s important to go back to that common emitter lier
earlier recognizing champaign-urbana is is that different summers
friend and some respects and other parts of a Illinois and that it is a more
it is more aggressive for half an hour Collegetown ephedra should be noted
should be noticed that you know I think of Micah for example Michael your father was an excellent
excellent model of support if father how ever ever really should be no
really should be noted that father’s office have a hard time initially accepting the children gender variance

00:47:45

and I ask is because there may be fathers were listening
eventually listen to that song line for home this experience firing were true
Raymour true and I think that’s what we want to see and I say
and I say that because overtime talking about what challenges am I talking about
talking about this experience over all those many fathers come to accept anything
map of from their children’s gender develop at MU for fathers coming from all over
so I think it’s really important to keep that in mind and not even if your father

00:48:20

if your father was listening or you met a father who have had a nationally really hard time are parents
timer parent micholi really hard time I got that does not determine
the term and how they will develop as a parent over the course of a child fly
I’m wondering um Sarah and Micah
facility like the up center in Champaign County do they have a specific service
Pacific service center services of ways of assistance it said that a family
the family that includes a family in your situation with a transgender child could I draw

00:48:55

draw a minion the support in depth with a can provide they won’t find
find resources to support that family and again look at some things that are
things that are concerns is the cost of the lockers in a game work on social worker salary
salaries urine and blood these are things that you navigate insurance fields in house
Goldson how were going to get support without is is a concert come up for us what is your question yes up center
ups center they are huge support and I hope that a family community credit
use them and go to find them and they will support of famous smoke a home

00:49:30

home hormone blockers and Other Drugs therapies like that sounds like a big decision to make
decision to make you feel that the day that you’re going to have enough time and resources to
horses to figure everything out on bond on you and Daniel making those decisions
I hope so we’re trying to do a research and to recharge the professional
the professionals to have all the information for us um you feel like we have a little time
like we have a little time but it is it is a little bit daunting so um
um so we are trying to learn as much as possible and be prepared for when the time comes

00:50:05

that will make the right decisions I’m hoping since beyond hair with Marco that we can definitely
definition shemales with Marco in your licence Resources up in Chicago absolutely
and I haven’t already I think we want to make sure to add links to us to the up center
to the up center and also to a city in Robert H lurie Children’s Hospital on to our web
12 our website witches will DoD Illinois dot edu slash
slash focus thanks to our guests for guiding us do this to complex topic Michael
topic Michael ansara thanks for coming on the program best wishes to both of your boy

00:50:40

boys talk about younger kid and I think smart
thanks Michael Haddad go for coming on the program piece clinical psychologists in the gender and sex
end of sex development program a division of adolescent medicine and Robert H Lurie
Children’s Hospital of Chicago welcome any additional thought you have about
what you have about our show on our website at will.illinois.edu/focus
focus today show was produced by Lindsey moon and with a big assess for my internet
internet service Jason Croft is our technical director focus

00:51:15

focus on WILL