Episode 82: Visiting with Danielle Hendricks of Champaign-Urbana and her story, “Half Truth”

                                    SSPP ep. 82 DANIELLE HENDRICKS

Danielle Hendricks visits with Jenette and Kerry and reflect on the story she shared onstage in Champaign-Urbana in 2024 highlighting the joy and love that can be found in even the most difficult moments

ANNOUNCER  00:00  Raising women's voices one story at a time. Welcome to The She Said Project Podcast.
 [Music: The She Said Project Podcast Theme]

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JENETTE JURCZYK  00:28
Well hello, friends and fans. This is Jenette Jurczyk, your co-host on The She Said Project Podcast. So glad you can join us. With me in the studio, my co-host Kerry Rossow...
 
KERRY ROSSOW  00:37  Hi Jenette!

JENETTE  00:38  ...founder, creator, imaginator of the original That's What She Said concept. I mean...
 
 
KERRY  00:41  That's my favorite title. I've never heard that -- imaginator.
 
JENETTE  00:45  Well, you guys started...
 
KERRY  00:46  I like it -- shenaniganater
 
JENETTE  00:47 ...shenaniganeater, but you also had a really cool title. In the early days you called yourself the sho-conspirators. Tell me about the origin of that
 
KERRY  00:55  it was constantly riffing off of each other. And because we didn't have theater backgrounds, we also didn't want to pretend that we were anything we weren't. We loved shenanigans. We love telling women stories. We knew we wanted it to be a show. And so riffing off of each other. I think our graphic designer Anni Poppin, came up with it. It was perfect. It wasn't trying to be anything that we weren't. It was silly, fun, trying to shine a light on women and honor women's stories.
 
JENETTE  01:20   I love it all. I love where That's What She Said is now in 2024. But I will always look back on the beginnings where you Jill, Casey, what you guys created with innocence and fine, I honor that I cherish it. I am grateful for it. It changed my life. But it changed the lives of hundreds of women to this day. I don't even think you guys realized back then the impact that you were, that you were birthing that you were ...
 
KERRY  01:44  We didn't --  and well we thought it was gonna be a one night show. And so you know, like for Casey, it was sort of a challenge for her. This is a 'prove to myself, I can do this and stand on the stage.' And then I think before the evening was even done, we were talking about the next show and the next speakers and then all sort of took a look at each other. Oh, this isn't a one night stand. We've all been there. (Jenette laughing) This isn't just a one night stands. Sorry.
 
JENETTE  02:07  I always... when I tell the story, the origin story of That's What She Said, I always say that this community embraced it. The women showed up they were hungry for this event and what it represents. And I want you to know that as we grow into more and more communities, I've had the honor and privilege to direct shows in towns like Danville and Indianapolis and Bloomington Normal Peoria and just recently Decatur I'm finding the same I'm finding women who are pleasantly surprised, amazed, curious, open, and they fall in love with the concept of That's What She Said. And when we launched the podcast a couple years ago, one of our goals was for this to be kind of the glue to bring women together from the different communities, to check in with them, to hear about their experiences. But what I love is when we bring in a guest that's from Champaign-Urbana, where we sit today in the Illinois Public Media studios, because then we're not on the phone chatting with her, calling in from some remote location, we actually get to see them face to face, don't you agree?
 
KERRY  03:04  It's so great. And I can't wait to get to our guests today, because Jenette definitely knows that I'm not a crier. And so it becomes sort of a challenge of who's going to break her, who's it going to be. And in the very first rehearsal, I hadn't read your piece. And so I didn't know what was coming. And I felt my chest getting tight and my face getting red. And I was trying to avoid eye contact with Jenette because I was like, oh, it's happening. It's happening. And I I didn't I mean, tears didn't come out of my eyes. But it was the hardest I've ever had to battle because I connected with every word you said so deeply and was so taken aback. And, and I thought this is what it's like, because by the time show happens, I've usually read and seen and heard it. And I thought, what a powerful thing to hear someone's story for the first time. And it was really...
 
JENETTE  03:50  Like the audience gets to, yeah, so we're welcoming Danielle Hendricks into the studio today. She was one of the speakers in the most recent That's What She Said in our flagship community of Champaign-Urbana, where it all began. Danielle, thank you for making time...
 
DANIELLE  04:04  Thank you!
 
JENETTE  04:05  ...to come in person. Welcome to our fun, glamorous studio. This is where the next layer of magic happens. We get to check in with our new friends from the she's that process and go How you doing? Like, how are you doing since That's What She Said?
 
DANIELLE  04:20  it was a very powerful experience. And I just, I'm just so grateful that I was able to go through this process with you both because it - it was not at all what I even expected to be talking about at that That's What She Said, when I first came around, you're like, oh, maybe you should speak. I was like, oh, maybe thinking about what to talk about. This was actually probably the last thing on my mind until, Jenette, you and I had a conversation about what is something you never talked about? I was like, Hmmm, what is something I never talked about? And that's where my story came out.
 
JENETTE  04:52  It's something you don't talk about now in your current life. But when you started sharing it you even expressed, it's time it's time to talk about this and bring it to light so that it's not part of your past that's living in the shadows. Yeah,
 
DANIELLE  05:08  Definitely something that you push down, you push down really deep. It is a lot of emotion. And it's a lot of sad emotion, and anger and fear that people will judge. And I always put on a happy face. Like, that's just kind of who I am. And I've even had some folks when they first heard I was doing a story were like, oh, great, Danielle is going to be speaking, it's going to be such an uplifting, like, exciting, happy, and then they hear and they're like, that is not at all what I thought you were going to talk about. So you're very different...
 
JENETTE  05:36  You're so correct. That is absolutely your persona in this community. And it's delightful and it's wonderful. But the fact is, we all have darker emotions, we all have sadness that we carry. And you were absolutely brave when you decided that you were going to share and we've been kind of skirting around the topic here. But for our listeners today, Danielle shared a story called "Half Truth" where she shared
 
KERRY  05:59  About her half brother, a beautiful story about her half brother
 
JENETTE  06:0  a beautiful story about her half brother.
 
KERRY  06:03  So I think before we spill the beans, we should just let everyone listen.
 
JENETTE  06:08  Let's do that. Let's go to the clip. Here's Danielle on stage. And That's What She Said 2024 in Champaign Urbana with her story, "Half Truth."

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(applause and cheering)
 
DANIELLE HENDRICKS  06:19  I love meeting new people. So much in fact, that I've made a career of it. I've been in sales for 18 years, and I get to meet new people every day, I have a pretty good grasp on the general questions that people ask to get to know someone new. So I'm prepared with great responses to spark conversation. However, there is one standard question that catches me off guard every time. I've kept this response hidden away, even from those who know me best. The question, "Do you have any siblings?"
 
07:01  It's a fairly basic and simple question. Well, for me, this question is anything but simple. I struggled to tell the story. And I know I'm hiding a part of me by not sharing. So here's the long answer to a simple question.
 
07:21  I was born on my brother's half birthday. We are exactly nine years and six months apart to the day. No, I wasn't an accident. My brother is my half brother. So on my brother's half birthday, he got a half sister. Great present, right? I grew up not really understanding much of a difference between half and full siblings, because my brother was my brother. There was one difference, and that was our last name. There were discussions about changing his name, but that seemed a little cruel. His last name was Ridgeway. And my maiden name was Enos. (laughter) Yes, rhymes with penis. (laughter) My brother's first name, Cletus. (laughter)
 
08:31  Yeah, can you imagine naming a boy Cletus Enos. Regardless of a last name difference, I had no hesitation when people asked me if I had siblings, I was proud to respond that I did. However, being from a small town, people just knew who was related.
 
08:52  In a small town everyone knows everything about you. The positive stories traveled fast, and the negative stories traveled 10 times faster. If something bad happened, it was impressive how quickly the entire town knew the whole story. And even parts of the story that didn't happen. I started to understand this around the age of six years old. My brother was a sophomore in high school and was quickly changing from the admired high school athlete to the problem child. At first he was caught drinking alcohol with his friends. Then it escalated to being in trouble with the cops. Alcohol led to drugs and more problems. He moved out of the house before he graduated high school. His reputation was severely tarnished, and he had no desire to try to fix it. My brother was a screw up and I was embarrassed to admit that I had a sibling. He was the bad boy who broke all the rules And I never wanted to be like that. But his bad reputation followed me. No matter how hard I tried to be the perfect child.
 
10:11  In high school, my English teacher made the connection. She had my brother during his infamous sophomore year. She asked if I was Cletus Ridgeway's sister. I slowly answered yes. She had no words in response. She looked me up and down. And I felt her disappointment. Even though a decade had passed, it was guilt by association in her mind. It didn't matter that I was a straight A student. She treated me like I was a delinquent, who deserved to fail. It felt horrible. And I started to hate the question about siblings.
 
10:55  So when I moved to Champaign-Urbana, only an hour away from my hometown, I felt like a new person without all the small town baggage. However, of course, the question would come up as I met new people. Do you have any siblings? I would leave it as yeah, an older brother and pray they didn't interrogate me further. My half truth answer is what got me through.
 
11:22  I was scared of what would happen if he decided to show up in my new life. What would people think of me if they saw this shit show of a life my brother lived? The alcohol and drugs had escalated to violence, theft, and a rap sheet. It was more than a tarnished reputation. At this point, he was a criminal. I hid my life from my brother. I begged my mom not to give him my address in fear, he would show up high or drunk on my doorstep. He had abused many of the women in his life. And I didn't want to be next. I didn't want him to know about my job in fear he would start asking me for money. After stealing cash from friends and family members, I didn't want to be another target. I also didn't want my job to know that he existed. If they knew who he was, it would be guilt by association, just like high school. So when asked, I still kept my response simple. I have a much older brother that I don't see very often. It was a half truth. And the hidden half was that I didn't see him very often, because I didn't want to see him very often.
12:43  I was with my mom when she got a call that my brother was in trouble yet again. I was so mad. Here we go again, I thought. I just couldn't believe he couldn't get his life together. He was 34 years old, for Pete's sake. You we drove to my brother's house to check on him. We figured that we would get the story straight from him instead of letting the local gossip train, blow it out of proportion. I parked outside while my mom knocked on his door. A cop car pulled up next to me and asked what we were doing there. He informed us that they had cleared the area and needed us to move a few blocks away because there was a report that a man had a gun and was dangerous.
 
13:35  As we drove to the recommended safe zone, I could see the officers discussing the suspect and I felt like I was watching an episode of cops through my windshield. I saw my brother's wanted sketch photo in their hands. I couldn't breathe. This was serious. And I knew he was going back to prison. I was so angry with my brother. This crap had happened so many times. felt bad for my mom having to go through this yet again. And I started to worry how far this news would travel. Would it be on WCIA? Is this how people would find out?
 
14:18  Since there was little we could do I drove back home. The next morning, my phone rang as I was on my way to work. It was my mom, and I answered with an enthusiastic Good morning. She simply replied. No, it's not. She told me that the police standoff finally ended. When the cops entered the house, they discovered that Cletus had already taken his own life. He had shot himself. My big brother was gone. My answer to the simple sibling question went from complicated to impossible. When people ask They aren't expecting a long, complicated story. And no one is prepared to hear the word suicide in casual conversation.
 
15:11  Being vulnerable is what makes us whole. Truly getting to know someone isn't about giving the easy answer. It's about the tough, complicated truth that I've been afraid to say. It has only taken me 40 years to really answer this simple question. And now I'm ready to share the whole truth about my half brother. 
(applause)

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KERRY   15:40 So I'm so glad that I was able to sort of prep myself for that before sitting in a theater with people. But I think it was so touching. And I was thinking about what you guys were saying about your happy persona. And I think that it was such a great message. It was great for anybody who heard it for the first time and didn't know you. But for people who knew you and had that impression, I think it's really important for people to recognize -- it's the old thing of don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides. And, you know, you are this happy person that spreads all of this joy and has that persona. But also everybody has the full range, everybody has funny and joyful and, and also, what comes with living a life is that there are also those stories.
 
DANIELLE  16:24  Absolutely. And I try to be as optimistic as possible in this story might be why I try and look for the positive at the same time, because I went through something like this that I do push down, but there was still so many highlights -- what I loved about my brother in our life, and I miss on a regular basis. There is joy. And I know another speaker talked about this too, but like there's joy in every moment, no matter how the emotion is, there are pieces of joy. Even in the sadness,
 
KERRY  16:51  I think the first time in one of the rehearsals when you called him your big brother and I thought anybody who has a big brother or big sister, no matter how old we are, or what the letters behind our name are or job titles, there's something in us that is always you know, our mother's daughter or father son, our big brother's little sister always. And it really resonated, I think with so many of us because of that.
 
DANIELLE  17:15  Oh yeah,
 
JENETTE  17:16   it hit home even more because as we do in That's What She Said, we have a beautiful musical performance as our finale. And when we can we bring photos of our speakers to the screen. And what you shared specifically for that slide deck was pictures of you and your brother. And the moment they were on the screen. It was clear as day who we were looking at from infancy to those younger years to those teen years. And there was almost an audible gasp of
 
KERRY  17:43  There he is.
 
JENETTE  17:44  There he is
 
DANIELLE  17:45  I cried, seeing the videos on the big screen. And we're talking about emotions earlier and hearing it and a lot of people have asked me how do you get through it? And
 
JENETTE  17:53  Talk about that? Yeah.
 
DANIELLE  17:54 I honestly don't know, I think I blacked out. I think it was like, okay, and then it was done. And I actually went back and listen to myself the first time when the videos are released. And I cried at my own speech, like I just sat there and it wasn't till the end. And I had choked up a few times getting to the in part. Because I knew what was what was in those words. I knew what was there. I don't know how I made it through onstage. But listening to it again, I broke down. And I just released all of those tears again.
 
JENETTE  18:24  Well, I'm going to give you some credit here. Because when you have a story that is this raw and this charged, emotionally charged, you did the work you rehearsed enough so that you could confidently get through it. And that's important in a piece like this. Anyone who's listening who's into storytelling, if you want to get to a final performance, you have to put in the work in practice. This is just proof right here. Because otherwise, I don't know, like you said if you would have made it through but you showed up, you showed up to every rehearsal, you supported everyone else. You went through it every single time with the emotion that it brought, you didn't shy away. There's something really brave about facing this from every single rehearsal, not just the final show. I mean, from day one. I mean, I remember your face on on a zoom call when we said hey, what are we going to talk about? And you said those words, this is something I don't talk about. No one knows. And then it ends with your final line. I am now ready to share the whole truth about my half brother.
 
DANIELLE  19:29  Yeah, even the parts on stage that I talked about. I mean, that was that was a sliver of the story. So I felt a little weird saying I'm ready to share the whole truth because
 
JENETTE  19:37  There is so much more
 
DANIELLE  19:38  8 -- 10 minutes worth of the story but there is so much more with it. And I've had a few people, you know, I talked to afterwards and it's like, okay, and then how did this happen? And they asked me more deeper questions of, you know, the aftermath. And, you know, just thinking about how do you... how do you live your life thinking about having this grief that you live with day to day and, you know, never It goes away. It's there and it creeps back up and it brings tears back to my eyes. And you know all that. And then some days, it's all the joy that you remember about that person. And that makes you smile. I would say yes, it's hard. But the group that I was with, these women that I got to tell the story with, made me stronger and able to say it. They're amazing, amazing women.
 
KERRY  20:21  A friend of mine said, All we can do, it's all about accompaniment. And I thought of that with your group. And I thought of that with your piece, just bearing witness your brother's story. I thought it was really special.
 
DANIELLE  20:32  Thank you.
 
KERRY  20:33  And that we can all just do that for each other.
 
JENETTE  20:36  Bear witness, there's power to that there's a lot of power to just showing up. And listening. That's what you always said people don't know, Kerry's voice is in my head all the time.
 
KERRY  20:46  I'm so sorry.
 
JENETTE  20:49  No, you are my mentor, you are my sounding board, my guide posts in the dark. One of the phrases that always resonates is there is tremendous relief in the telling of our stories,
 
KERRY  21:01  Shining that light, otherwise, it can just fester and feel so much bigger. And then you tell it and you're like, Oh, look. There's light.
 
DANIELLE  21:08  Yeah, I was talking about how therapeutic it was. And this is a story my mom and I have shared really, for the most part, obviously, we have lots of other family members affected by it as well. But my mom and I have been the two to be stuck together in how we talk about it. We don't talk about outside of each other. And we were able to talk about things that we hadn't talked about before -- the light that was shining, you're all talking about it's going into those dark places, and bringing up things that was more therapeutic for both of us to talk about, it was just a great healing thing, even though obviously, he just never fully healed, but it just continued that process for us.
 
JENETTE  21:45  Well it makes me think we file things away, right. So you had filed this away, you had labeled it,
 
DANIELLE  21:50  Mm-hmm
 
JENETTE  21:50 You know, do not disturb, do not talk, do not bring this up, like it goes into the database of your brain. And by doing this process, you have to pull the file out, you have to blow the dust off, you have to revisit and then I wonder once that file is out in you have an opportunity to re label it where it goes, Do you think going forward, you can start having more comfortable casual conversations about the truth of your family?
 
DANIELLE  22:19 I think so. I've been asked if I'm related to certain people now since the story came out just in general. And I was like, you know, I don't know, because I don't really know much about my brother's side of his family. So more things are being discussed. And it just helps like get a whole story because I was so young at the time. I mean, like I said in my story that we were almost 10 years apart. So I was a child experiencing a lot of things when he was an adult. And then I was coming into adulthood as he was leaving the world. So, man, there's just so much I didn't know or didn't piece together. And I will differently now that I'm 40. So it sounds different.
 
KERRY  22:58 Everything looks different at different ages, which is why we purposely have speakers at different ages, because we know exactly that our experience at 10,20, 30, 80. We're gonna have really different perspectives, hopefully.
 
DANIELLE  23:11  Absolutely.
 
JENETTE  23:12  I like that. Hopefully, that's part of the joy, right?
 
DANIELLE  23:15  Mm-hmm
 
JENETTE  23:15  The joy of experience. My two word mission statement: inspire emotion. Let's be real. Let's be human. Do you know anybody who goes through this world just pretending they're okay. All the time?
 
KERRY  23:24  Yeah, me.
 
DANIELLE  23:24  Yeah
 
JENETTE  23:27  Why did we do that?
 
KERRY  23:28  I don't know. It's just tricky, I think because we just learn to start putting things up. How are you? Fine, how are you? Fine. Moving on. And I hope that that's what this experience does not just on the night of the show, and not just with the cast, but gives permission to do all the stories. Yes, there are some that are funny and uplifting and some that are just silly. But to tell those and to really appreciate them. You have to know the other stories. And then hopefully after the show, all these conversations are happening at the same time.
 
JENETTE  23:57  To quote another she said speaker if I may because that is what this has started doing to me all these stories coalesce in my brain in my noggin, and we had a beautiful speaker in the first show in Macon County in Decatur, Illinois. And just this one line every time she said it, I got tingly. Like that's such a quote is you can't be there for the heartwarming moments if you're not there for the heartbreaking ones. That one gets me every time
 
DANIELLE  23:57  That's beautiful.
 
KERRY  24:22  it's the accompanimentI just keep thinking of my friend who says that it really is everything is about accompanying each other and bearing witness
 
DANIELLE  24:30  and that finding the human part of yourself and you're talking about saying raw like this is raw and it's scary to be raw. It's easy to say I'm okay and just move on. Because I didn't want to talk about the raw part
 
KERRY  24:41  We always say not just the most important thing to tell a story. It's also equally important to listen to this and to hear the story because it's important to us as we feel protective over our speakers. We want it to be received with the grace that it's delivered with love and grace and It has to be both of those things because you're taking such a risk to put yourself out there. But might I say, we have the best audiences ever their whole goal they're there to laugh. They're there to high five you, they're there to support you. It does not get any better than a She Said crowd.
JENETTE  25:15  I think I say that to the cast almost every time right before the show. Every single person here showed up to see you succeed, to celebrate you. There is no one in this room who's here to see you fail or anything less than be your most amazing self. There's not enough spaces in this world where women are celebrated for being vulnerable. And being themselves and being honest. That is the little corner of the world that we try to create.
 
DANIELLE  25:38  Absolutely. I knew even if I fell flat on my face because I tripped over something. The women on the stage would pick me up and I felt like the crowd would too that there was such a good vibe such a good vibe being on stage.
 
JENETTE  25:49  Would you do it again?
 
DANIELLE  25:50  100%
 
KERRY  25:51  love it.
 
DANIELLE  25:52  I'm also that, you know, weirdo that loves public speaking. So that's how I first was like, Sure I'll do that. I love public speaking.
 
KERRY  25:58  Oh, that's awesome!
 
JENETTE  26:00  There's nothing like this. It's storytelling and public speaking for work. 
 
DANIELLE  26:05  This was so different. That was the challenge for me. It was like, Oh, this isn't like giving a presentation at work. This is a little more tense than that.
 
KERRY  26:13  One of your classmates said they were very comfortable saying someone else's words but to get up there and say their own words. It is a very different experience.
 
DANIELLE  26:20  Could not have said it better.
 
JENETTE  26:22  Danielle, thank you for being on the stage
 
DANIELLE  26:24  You're the best
 
JENETTE  26:25  Thank you for being here in the studio. Thank you for being a friend and the months that we've had to spend together are priceless. I will cherish them always. I get the pleasure of seeing you in our community quite frequently so I'm a lucky duck 
 
DANIELLE  26:39  Me too. Me too.
 
JENETTE  26:39  And to our listeners I do want to say if anything that you heard on today's podcast made you feel something or triggered something in you, go talk to someone. Talk to a family member see a counselor, make it okay to not be okay and talk to someone. Don't live in the not okay Don't be like I'm not okay
 
KERRY  26:57  I live here.
 
JENETTE  26:58   Yeah, no be okay being open and honest and owning your story. We know how powerful that is. If we can inspire one person to do that,
 
KERRY 27:07  You don't have to tell it to 1000 people maybe you just tell it to your one person but
 
JENETTE  27:11  when you do tell it to 1000 people let me tell you
 
KERRY  27:13  Call us!
 
JENETTE 27:14  Well, perfect -- so our friends who are listening your podcast we cannot thank you enough for your support through the years that we have been sharing these stories by amazing women first in Champaign Urbana and now in communities across the Midwest thank you to our partners Illinois Public Media and to our sponsors Sterling Wealth Management Carle and Health Alliance for making this podcast possible. We wish you nothing but the best as you explore your stories I'm Jennette at The She Said Project Podcast
 
KERRY  27:40  Over and out

JENETTE  27:40  Thank you, Kerry!
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[Music: The She Said Project Podcast Theme]
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