Episode 88: Visiting with Nicole Morgan of Champaign-Urbana and her story, “The 1% Family”

                                    SSPP ep. 88  NICOLE MORGAN

Nicole Morgan of Champaign-Urbana shared the story of her personal journey towards accepting and advocating  for her child's needs, and her visit with Jenette and Kerry on this week's podcast further emphasizes the importance of perseverance, advocacy and support in navigating motherhood.

ANNOUNCER  00:00  Raising women's voices one story at a time. Welcome to The She Said Project Podcast.
 [Music: The She Said Project Podcast Theme]

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JENETTE JURCZYK  00:27  I am so excited to be back with my friend Kerry in The She Said Project Podcast studio. Kerry, you just give me so much joy. Did you know that?
 
KERRY ROSSOW  00:35  Aww, I did not know that. But I live to make you laugh, and I live to make your eyebrows go up like that. So we're a great pair. You laugh at my jokes
 
JENETTE  00:44  and I bring you joy. It's reciprocated.
 
KERRY  00:47  You bring me way more than joy. I will tell you all of the things that I always dreamed the show could be we passed to you. And so, not just when we're together or podcasting or showing together, but all the things I see you doing. You know, I'll be in a sprint of a day and see something on social media, and I always just have that moment of, Oh, thank God for Jenette.
 
JENETTE  01:06  Okay, now you got me, but I am really, really grateful for that, because I do work really hard. I get it, I get what you guys started. And I remember the fishbowl. I was there for part of those conversations. All the ideas, because this concept lends itself to so many opportunities. And there was a fishbowl that ideas just got thrown in. I love when you tell the story. It was like, let's see what's… Oh podcast? We can do that. Oh teen program? We can do a book. We published a book. We have a women's conference. There's even more crazy in the works.
 
KERRY  01:36  So what I love is that there's no template, and that's what I want other women to know. We weren't trained in this area. We didn't have a template to follow, but we were passionate, and we trusted each other, and we knew that something was at the end of the line. I was turning 40, and it was that itchy, like, is this, it? Is this, it? And then hashing it out with friends. What's something else that we want to do? So for people to know there doesn't have to be a template, you just pave your own way.
 
JENETTE  02:00  Man, oh, man. My side of that story is so similar, but just came in a year or two later, I moved to Champaign-Urbana to be with my husband, gave up a career and a life. Yeah, I was 40 something and going, what's... what's next?
 
KERRY  02:16  It's never too late to rewrite your story. That's my favorite. It's fun to see it on a cross stitched pillow. But like, seriously, you know, I always want the other pillow that's like, no, seriously. Like, really, rewrite your story. There's nothing just because you're 40, that's when so many of us come out of starting a family or a lactating coma, and then we're like, Oh, hey, we're blinking into the sunshine, and like, Wait, there's something else I want to do.
 
JENETTE  02:38  And I don't think I was where I was at in my journey, I don't know that I would have created or seen this opportunity until… I share the story like I had some discomfort, like I was uncomfortable, I was hungry, I was looking for something, and it was only because of the discomfort that I found you and I found That's What She Said.
 
KERRY  03:00  I get that a lot: "I was really uncomfortable. Then there was a rash…" Yeah.
 
JENETTE  03:03  But I want to encourage people to embrace the discomfort, when you feel that urge, or that hunger, or that "Is this it? Is this all that life has to offer?" Or, you know, "there are three kids hanging on me and I want more," that's the moment you know that you can rewrite your story. So I think our stories do align very much, or we wouldn't be sitting right here right now in the Illinois Public Media studios
 
KERRY  03:25  with an amazing person…
 
JENETTE  03:28  …an amazing person who we're so excited to chat with. Perfect segue.
 
KERRY  03:33  I love her script! I love her script.
 
JENETTE  03:33  You go, girl. We are joined in The She Said Project Podcast studios by the incredible Nicole Morgan, who appeared on stage, in That's What She Said in our flagship community of Champaign-Urbana.
 
KERRY  03:44  Woo-hoo!
 
JENETTE  03:44  And because of that, we are blessed to have her in person, in the studio, and not just a voice across the . . . across the . . time and space . . .
 
NICOLE MORGAN  03:52  Airwaves? I don't know.
 
JENETTE  03:53  Airwaves.
 
KERRY  03:54  Jenette looks like she's swimming right now, but.…
 
JENETTE  03:58  I'm of that age where I have a word in my head and then it's gone like, I think continuum was the word I was looking for, and I couldn't find it.
 
KERRY  04:03  Yeah.
 
JENETTE  04:04  the time and space continuum...
 
KERRY  04:05  Fifty is knocking on your door.
 
JENETTE  04:06  Oh, my god, it is knocking so hard and so loud. My brain goes numb and I can't see crap. It's terrible, but I can see Nicole Morgan because she's sitting right here.
 
NICOLE MORGAN  04:17  I feel like I'm on the episode of Everybody in Their 40s. Thanks for having me. (laughing)
 
JENETTE  04:23  Are you in the club, Nicole?
 
NICOLE  04:24  I sure am. I'll be 44 in July (2024)
 
KERRY  04:28  It really is great. The older we get, I feel like we just have this freedom. I don't know if we all just wake up, or if we all just if it's just something that happens, but it seems like so many women are doing amazing things in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.
 
JENETTE  04:44  No, it's so true, like we get to do more, see more, experience more and talk about more. We're so tired of pretending. I think,
 
KERRY  04:53  Well, I think we aren't afraid.
 
NICOLE  04:54  I was just gonna say, I feel like we have more experience as we get older, like I know turning 30 for me was like, really hard. I don't know why it was like, I was finally becoming an adult. And then every birthday after that, I was like, I gained more wisdom, I gained more strength, you know. And so I just, yeah, I mean, I definitely feel like, as you get older, you're more confident in yourself because you've experienced more, you know.
 
JENETTE  05:18  And Nicole, you are no stranger to the stage, so asking you to stand on stage and share your story, I was excited about that, because you are a performer. Please share with our listeners your performance experience.
 
NICOLE  05:29  Well, I will put a pin in that, because I was very nervous about doing this. As a performer, and you know this, Jenette, you're a character. You're given a script, you memorize it, you make the character your own, and you perform it on stage. I wrote my own script that was about me, and delivered it to like 800 people, so I really felt like it was different than just performing. But yeah, my mom put me in a musical when I was eight, and it just went off from there. I went to college and got a music business degree, and I have a master's in vocal performance from U of I and…
 
JENETTE  06:11  and then you met a boy…
 
NICOLE  06:13  …and then I met a boy. I met a boy!
 
JENETTE  06:14  I've got that story too. There's that moment you met a boy.
 
NICOLE  06:18  He ruined my whole life because I had a … I was gonna go to New York and I was gonna sing, and then I met this man, and I was like, fine, I'll stay here and get married and have kids with you. But I'm just kidding. He is the love of my life. And I met him singing. We met in an opera together, and he was my love interest in the show,
 
JENETTE  06:18  yes…
 
NICOLE  06:19  and there's a really funny story, actually, because -- really quick: So I was corseted for the show, and it was, you know, kind of up higher on my chest. I know y'all can't see where my hands are, but these ladies can…
 
JENETTE  06:50  There's like overflow?
 
NICOLE  06:51  There is, well, then this was for dress rehearsal. Then, like, opening night comes, and somehow it's lower. And I'm like, I know that my boobs did not grow overnight, so I don't know what happened. So there's a part in the show where I have to, like, bend over in front of him and do these tarot cards. Well, fun fact, in opera, you don't have microphones, so I literally look at him and whisper, are they in? (Jenette gasps) And he goes, what? And I said, are my boobs in? And he goes, You want me to look? And I said, Yes, because I have to turn to the audience and I want to make sure I'm not gonna flash anybody. This is all happening while the orchestra's playing (Jenette laughs)
 
KERRY  07:24  "Are they in?"
 
NICOLE  07:24  And he's like, yes, and I'm like, you know, but I was like, I am certainly not gonna turn and sing to an audience with my boobs out! (Kerry laughs) Like I was so scared, like, yeah, because I had to bend over and…
 
JENETTE  07:37  So, he had your back. Or…
 
NICOLE  07:38  He did. He had my chest, he sure did. But yes, we met in an opera and dated for a few years, and then got married, and then he had two children from a previous marriage, and I met them when they were six and four, so I feel like I helped raise them, and then we had a child of our own,
 
JENETTE  07:53  …and that is what your story from the She Said stage
 
NICOLE  07:56  that is
 
JENETTE  07:57
...is about. But what I want to share before we play this clip is you and your husband are local community advocates.
 
NICOLE  07:57  Yes
 
JENETTE  07:57  And talk about the journey with your son often and loudly, and you challenged yourself for the She Said stage to approach your story from a new angle. This was Nicole telling Nicole's side of the story,
 
NICOLE  08:21  Yes
 
JENETTE  08:21  ...and for once, it wasn't just about the mother of Maxwell,
 
NICOLE  08:27  Right.
 
JENETTE  08:27  It was the woman that is Nicole.
 
NICOLE  08:29  Yes. It was my feelings and my journey becoming a mother, but not just a mom, but a mom of a child with a disability. And we are very vocal about our story, but I also try to be there for other parents who have children with disabilities, especially younger parents, but even older ones, you know? Like, I know that when Maxwell was younger, I turned to those parents who had older kids, and I was like, how do we do this? I said several times in rehearsals, like, there's not a book that says this is how you raise a child with a disability, there's no What to Expect. There's none of that. It was very scary. And then to kind of put all of that into words in a eight minute story and give it to the entire audience, it was definitely vulnerable situation, you know. And I think all of us women have done that when you do this show, but many of us thought it's actually really therapeutic doing the show. Actually, I've been in therapy for years, going back through Maxwell's journey, and even just getting pregnant and all of that, just seeing all that we've come from and how we've made it here, and how far we've come just gives you so much hope for the future. So thank you.
 
JENETTE  09:44  You are so welcome, and I am so excited, because now it's time to share your story with our listeners today, because I want them to experience all that you're talking about. Because yes, Nicole, the mom, Maxwell, the amazing kid, but your journey. You share some insights that are pretty darn powerful, and so let's go ahead and share the clip from your performance that fateful night in 2024 on stage with That's What She Said in Champaign-Urbana. This is Nicole Morgan and her story, "The 1% Family." 

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(recorded February 24, 2024 at The Virginia Theatre in Champaign, IL)

 (cheering)
 
NICOLE MORGAN  10:16  When I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mother, and I played with baby dolls constantly. I would take these dolls everywhere, to the grocery store, church, restaurants. One time, my mom and I went out to eat, she asked me to leave the baby in the car, so I strapped the baby in the car seat, which was mine as a baby, and we went inside. Well, my mom locked her keys in the car, and we had to call the police. It was nighttime, and as they were working on the car, the policeman slowly turned to my mother and said, Is there a baby in the back seat of that car? Well, of course, they got it unlocked and realized it wasn't real, but they did have a lot of questions for my mom.
 
10:58  Fast forward to 2006 when I met my husband and dating him, came an instant family. As our love grew, so did my love for his two children. Before Jason and I got married, we decided we would have a child together, and this would complete our family.
 
11:13  We tried for almost two years, and ended up turning to IVF. If you have experienced IVF, you know the crazy hormones and emotions, if you haven't. A few examples would be me slamming the door closed, then sliding down that door, crying hysterically. Why? I have no idea. Or me crying and then immediately laughing. Why? Again? I have no idea.
 
11:40  I have an amazing husband, so amazing that he gave me a name for when I was experiencing these emotions, Eunice. He would tell me in a calm voice, I don't want to speak with Eunice. I'll wait until Nicole is back.
 
12:02  We did two rounds of IVF, and if that wasn't enough, at 28 weeks, I was diagnosed with cholestasis. This condition is so rare, there is barely a six sentence paragraph in the what to expect when expecting book, less than 1% of pregnant women develop cholestasis, which is a liver condition that causes stillbirth after 36 weeks. Okay, great!
 
12:26  I told myself, I got through IVF. I can get through this -- the plus side, if there is a plus side to cholestasis, I had an ultrasound on the baby's heart monitored. So we got to see our little man every week.
 
12:38  I was induced early at 36 weeks, and after 30 hours of labor and three hours of pushing, our son, Maxwell, was born, I only held him for a minute because he was promptly sent to the NICU. After a few hours of sleep, we finally got to see him, and as my husband was holding him, Maxwell had his first seizure. After that, he was placed in a warming crib, and we could no longer hold him. Three days after that, we found out that he had had a stroke. What? Did I hear them correctly? My baby, who was three days old, just had a stroke? I was in shock. I couldn't even cry. I had never heard of such a thing. They told us the stroke probably happened in the womb or during labor.
 
13:29  Shortly after receiving this news, a doctor came over to talk with us. He pulled up a chair, and he proceeded to tell us that 1% of babies have strokes, and then went on to inform us about the life that we were about to lead, that our child probably wouldn't walk or talk or be able to feed himself, he would have significant learning delays. As I was listening to all this, the anger started to kick in. I thought, this child is three days old, and you've decided his abilities for the rest of his life?
 
14:02  Once we were home, I pretended like nothing happened. I read all the books about being a mom, but there is nothing about how to prepare for a life with a child with a disability, let alone how you're going to feel. I was just numb, or maybe I wanted to believe nothing really happened. I mean, my baby wasn't showing any signs of a stroke, I just wanted to sit and watch my child all day and night. I thought, this is the only way I can protect him. As I sat there, I started to think, was this my fault? Everything I did, he did. Did I eat something wrong? Was I too stressed out during my pregnancy, maybe I should have pushed for that C section. Was it my fault that my child had a stroke? This just made me more angry at myself, but I said nothing.
 
14:52  Six months after Maxwell was born, he developed infantile spasms, a rare form of sudden, repeated, uncontrolled seizures, he would have 75 to 100 seizures in one cluster. Only 1% of babies experienced this.
 
15:08  My god, will it ever stop? I can't take much more of these 1% odds. Why does this keep happening? It's not fair.
 
15:17  That was the moment I decided I no longer mattered. I couldn't worry about my feelings anymore. It was now time to worry about my son and only him.
 
15:29  Now I'm not here tonight to tell you about my son's story, although it is truly a remarkable story, because he is sitting in the back of the theatre fully capable of understanding everything that I am saying. In addition, he can walk and talk and is currently eating popcorn with his dad. (applause)
 
15:52  I love you, Bubba!
 
15:56  I'm actually here tonight to tell you about my unexpressed feelings. For a long time, I worried about telling people that I was sad and angry. I didn't want to be judged by strangers or family members and worse, other mothers. Disabled child or not being a mother can be very lonely. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was tired of putting on this facade. I started seeing a therapist.
 
16:19  She helped me realize that I needed to grieve my child.
 
16:23  What? Grieve my child? I didn't lose my child. Sure, there were some bumps in the road, but he was beating all the odds.
 
16:32  She told me it was because I didn't have the child I thought I would have that. I didn't have the child like everyone else.
 
16:40  Great. Now I'm a shitty mom for thinking I didn't have the child I thought I would have. I mean, was I jealous of all the other mothers who had kids had playdates and birthday parties and sleepovers and fights about getting iPhones and driving all over God's green earth for sports and going to friends' houses, and instead, I have a life of driving all over God's green earth, going to therapies, doctor's appointments, hospital stays, surgeries and enduring countless stares from strangers.
 
17:08  I wanted to scream out, Do you know that my child hasn't been to a birthday party since he was in kindergarten? And he's 11 now. I can't remember the last time he was invited over to play. He has never been to a sleepover at a friend's house.
 
17:23  I wanted to say all of this and more, but I couldn't. I needed to be happy that my child was able to do the things he could do.
 
17:31  But one day, I did say it out loud. It was more like screaming and crying, but I did say that I was jealous of all the other mothers. Wow. Talk about a huge burden lifted from your shoulders.
 
17:47  I could finally breathe.
 
17:49  I now understood the mother that I needed to be. I felt like a fighter, a warrior. I made myself a better person, therefore making myself a better mother.
 
18:01  Something I realized during this grieving process is that I wasn't alone. Sure we're the 1% family in terms of all the statistics that follow us in Maxwell's medical journey. I mean, the statistics never stopped, but really this is what makes my family, my family. I was able to turn my 1% into something positive by putting together concerts to raise awareness about pediatric stroke. I also started my own business called Mama's Little Shop, where I make homemade, sensory friendly, adaptable clothing for kids and adults. (applause)
 
18:39  Thank you. Being a mother with a child with a disability is hard, but my feelings are valid. Every time we go to the doctor now I can hold my head high and say we are the 1% family. 1% no longer is a lonely number or tragedy. It's unique, beautiful and well, it's me. (applause) 

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JENETTE  19:11  I think the title The 1% Family, I mean, it was so appropriate. You kept coming up against again and again again, these 1% odds. What does that do to you as a woman, as a mother? What are the chances you just kind of keep repeating that? What are the chances? 1% those are the chances it does.
 
NICOLE  19:29  I mean, not just even as a woman, but like as a human. It's just one thing after another. How much are we going to keep building because it's going to crash for so long. It felt like that game Jenga, where you just kept putting things on top and on top, and you're like, we're gonna break something's gonna happen. But I really give credit to my husband. I mean, we are as thick as thieves, and we could not have done this without each other. We used to joke whenever we would meet a new doctor, which was a lot the first two years of Maxwell's life. I mean, he currently. He has four neurologists, so every time we met a new doctor, we would be like, Okay, is it your turn to tell the story or mine? Like we would literally take turns, or we would get some kind of new diagnosis. And Jason would be like, Okay, you take the time. And then I would cry and get angry or whatever. And then, you know, like a few days later, he would do it, but we would be strong for each other, and we would get through it. You know, we would talk and, you know, sometimes the feelings would be directed at each other, but we knew that it wasn't really at each other, it was at ourselves. We just needed to be that block for each other.
 
JENETTE  20:35  At what point in your journey did you seek therapy?
 
NICOLE  20:39  Let's see, Maxwell was probably three, three or four. So early childhood, he was an early intervention from six weeks, and then after early intervention, he went to early childhood in Champaign, and that's a half day. So that's kind of when I started having my own personal time, because I ended up leaving my job. I was teaching voice at Millikin University, and I left my job to stay home with Maxwell, and so once he was in school for like three hours, then I would have my own time to kind of figure out who I was now as a mom, because before that I didn't have time for three years.
 
JENETTE  21:23  Yeah, three years of ignoring that this (and I'm pointing to my body,) but like ignoring that you are human with with needs. Yes, you turned it all into mothering Maxwell, as as you would. I mean, you absolutely faced the craziest of odds, Maxwell is one of the most amazing kids. I think he's pretty awesome. He's so awesome. I'm so stinking glad he was in the audience that night.
 
NICOLE  21:49  Did I tell you guys what he said? As you heard in the clip, everybody started cheering when I said that he was back there, and I said, I love you, Bubba. And afterwards he goes, "It was kind of embarrassing when you said my name," and I was like, he still will hug me and stuff in public, even though he's 12, but sometimes he'll be like, "You're annoying me." But I let him do it, because that's what a typical 12 year old would do.
 
JENETTE  22:14  See when my daughter tells me I embarrassed her, I think "Mission accomplished."
 
NICOLE  22:16  Well, that also, I mean, yes, yeah, that is my job, yes. And then I explained, like, everybody's clapping for you, buddy, like it's, they're just so excited. And I think that was actually the first time he had ever heard his full story. I mean, obviously I didn't tell the full story, but a majority of the story, and kind of like, what Dad and I had gone through, you know, especially getting pregnant and then his first year of life, and like all of that.
 
KERRY  22:42  He's getting to that age where suddenly they start to see, oh, wait, it's not just my story, right? Like, what was their story before I arrived? And they really are full people that had a whole life before.
 
NICOLE  22:54  Yes
 
KERRY  22:54  and this isn't just mine,
 
NICOLE  22:55  yes, yes.
 
KERRY  22:57  How? It's all a tangled way?
 
NICOLE  22:58  Yes, absolutely.
 
JENETTE  22:59  Let's talk about that moment, that moment when your therapist told you to mourn your child.
 
NICOLE  23:07  I kind of wanted to laugh, because I was like, What do you you know, like, that is just the most insane thing I've ever heard. My child isn't dead, for the lack of a better term, he's alive and he's succeeding, and he's doing well. And then when we started digging into that and realizing, any person who wants to be a mother, you have a picture in your head of what child, you know, it's not about gender, but it's about like, how you're going to raise your child. Usually, it's typical to how you were raised, right? And so I just assumed that it would be how I was raised. So when I was given the news that that wasn't it, I just went into this tunnel vision. And so when she helped me realize that I needed to really feel those feelings. That was hard, that was really hard, I had to force myself to be me. I had to be Nicole. I could be a mom like I had to feel my actual feelings.
 
JENETTE  24:06  You had to check in with the woman who wanted to be a mom your whole life.
 
NICOLE  24:08  And I wasn't that woman for three years. Right? I wasn't who I was.
 
JENETTE  24:12  You tucked her away a little bit.

NICOLE  24:06  Right.
 
JENETTE  24:08 Check in with her and be like, How does this feel? This is your truth now.

NICOLE  24:06  Exactly. Yeah, she was way back there. Way back there. And as I said in my speech, it took years for me to get where I am now. But I think because I went through that I am a much better mom. And I'm much more open and I feel stronger. I feel like I can give more to Maxwell, but I feel like I can also give more to my stepkids and and I can give more to my husband, and just more to other humans, because I was able to feel the feelings that everybody tells you you're not supposed to feel. If you think about mothers in general, even if your child has a tantrum in the middle of a store, what's the first thought? You're freaking out, you're sweating. you're freaking out, everyone is judging you.
 
KERRY  25:27  We can really soak it up if we're living in reality.
 
NICOLE  26:14  Well, and even having my two step kids, I was already kind of a mom. So then, by having Maxwell, we were just gonna slip him right in. When Maxwell was a baby, we didn't tell anybody about his stroke for a really long time. We didn't talk about it on Facebook. We told friends and family, but I was not the advocate that I am now at the beginning, and it was for sure, denial, because you couldn't see anything wrong with him. He was a tiny baby I carried around in a baby car seat, you know, like he literally went everywhere with us. We had two kids. Jasper was in middle school. We took him to orchestra concerts, like all of this stuff. It didn't really start to hit until he started trying to meet these quote, unquote, milestones, right? I think that's when the anger and all of those feelings started to come in, because I realized, Okay, now this child that I have, it's not gonna be like raising Jasper and Julia. It's gonna be completely different. Even though raising multiple children, they're all different, right? But like I said, there's no book for this part. Like, I'm just making this up as I go. Literally, there is an organization for kids with pediatric stroke, and so I was able to ask parents questions and stuff, but it did feel like a lonely journey for a really long time, actually, on a Facebook memory, I remember a post came up, and I remembered that that was the post that we basically told everybody about Maxwell's stroke. The organization is called CHASA. It stands for Childrens Hemiplegic and Stroke Association, and it's based out of Texas, and they always do like little walks and stuff for the month of May, because May is Pediatric Stroke Awareness Month, if you didn't know. And we had done a walk in the mall, and I had bought us shirts that said Team Max on it, with like, the ribbon and stuff. And we took a picture of five of us, and I posted it on Facebook, and just, very nonchalantly, just said, we're walking because Maxwell had a stroke, and we're raising money for this organization, and it wasn't a big to do. We just said that was what we were doing. And Maxwell was probably just over a year. I was a different mom from when I had Maxwell to that moment, and from there on, I felt like I could grow and be that person, you know, and then obviously therapy just made it even better,
 
JENETTE  28:44  Therapy. And That's What She Said, of course.
 
KERRY  28:46  Obviously, yes. Same thing.
 
KERRY  28:48  No, we're so grateful that you did share your story, because we always say there's someone out there who needs to hear it. I mean, there were moms in the audience that night that are facing similar things, that feel less alone because you shared your story, and without a doubt, we launched The, She Said Project Podcast so that we could share these stories with even more women who need to connect to the power of story, because you're not alone and they're not alone either.
 
NICOLE  29:14  Well, it's funny that you say that. Sorry to interrupt you. I don't know if I told you guys this, so I came around the front of the theatre to find some friends and family, and they weren't there. And this woman stopped me, and she's like, I have to tell you, your story really registered with me. And I said, Oh, thank you so much. And she's like, my daughter also had infantile spasms. And I was like, What? What? So if you're not aware, infantile spasms is a form of seizures, very rare. And her daughter, I think she said, was 13, so a year older than Maxwell, she is nonverbal, but she can walk and eat and do all these things, and when you have multiple seizures like that, it, you know, takes over your brain, and it can do a lot of damage. And so she's like, your story just really resonated with me. Clearly we reach other people, but then to have someone physically stop me and tell me that it was just damn this is why we do this, right? Just this small moment, if you reach one person and they don't feel like they're alone in the world, it just makes everything worth it, you know. So it was really cool.
 
JENETTE  30:17  I'm not talking because My cheeks hurt. I'm smiling so wide, like just this. Look what we did, look what you guys did!
 
KERRY  30:27 Look at you. It has been the journey of a lifetime, just meeting women like you, Nicole, meeting women who are willing to share and go there. Just so powerful, so powerful. It's a privilege. It's an honor. Your story resonated. 

JENETTE  I will never forget. It was such a great night. Oh my gosh. So great. And then Nicole sang for us. Let's talk about that. She brought us home with a song
 
KERRY  30:49  Like how you were able to deliver such a powerful story. And then, you know, in your spare time, you then you just break into song.
 
NICOLE  30:56  I don't know how I did it either, other than the fact that Jeanette played the slideshow before, okay? First of all, it is a well oiled machine, if you ever get the chance to do That's What She Said, I was never nervous. I just, literally just soaked up being with new friends, and we had our makeup done and our hair done and our nails done, like it was, I was, like, never nervous. Like it wasn't like doing a show, it was literally like going to someone's living room and just having a chat with hundreds of other people watching. So the day of the show, she showed us all the slideshow beforehand and had me sing with it. Now that performance was not pretty because, you know, it's that but the whole cast was that was their first time seeing it as well, and so I knew that I had to see -- I had to look at it and sing, because if I could get it out in the afternoon, then I probably could do it during the show. I did get a little choked up because I knew when my pictures were coming up based off of the song, so that I did have to choke down a little bit, but yes, that I think I turned on, like, the performance, click. You know, I was like, no longer Nicole. I am now performing something. I see the light. I gotta get there.
 
JENETTE  32:15  All that training comes in handy.
 
NICOLE  32:16  I mean, that's a lot of money right there. A lot of money.
 
JENETTE  32:21  I'm so glad we got to hear you sing and got ...
 
NICOLE  32:24  Thank you for asking me
 
JENETTE  32:25  Yes, because that is part of your joy and who you are and the amazing talent that you have. So I'm really, really glad that was just a perfect, magical ending to a magical night. Nicole, thank you, of course.
 
NICOLE  32:38  Thank you
 
JENETTE  32:38  It's been so much fun revisiting your story. And how is Maxwell? How's he doing?
 
NICOLE  32:43  Great. He's an ornery 12 year old. He was at home playing Xbox, and my husband was making dinner. Yes, I have a husband that cooks. It's phenomenal.
 
KERRY  32:52  Amen.
 
NICOLE  32:52  Do you all have one too? Oh, no. Oh you do.
 
KERRY  32:55  Yes, my husband's the cooker and I'm the eater. Clearly, it's all balance.
 
NICOLE  33:04  He's doing really great. I was very nervous about middle school, but he is phenomenal. He is succeeding. He has all the teachers wrapped around his finger, and he loves it. Never a problem going to school. He has gotten to the age where every morning, when I wake him up, when do we get to sleep in? How many days till we get to sleep in? Which is ironic, because we went through like a three year period where he would wake up at midnight and he was ready to party all day. And this is like kindergarten through, like second grade, every day, all the day. Oh yeah. And, you know, Dad had to work, so it was mostly me. And so once in a while, Jason would be like, I got it. I'm like, great. I just need, like, a solid five hours and I'll be good. So
 
JENETTE  33:45  We all remember those the mom years when the husband can go to work and do his thing, and my husband would travel, and I couldn't go with him, because, yes, I mean, Mommy is the most important person in the world at that time. And yeah, yes, my kids are at the age where, Yep, see ya. I can babysitter or dad or yes, you know,
 
NICOLE  34:05  Or you know how to pick up a remote and turn on TV at 7am so I can get an extra hour of sleep. Thank you.
 
KERRY  34:11  I think that's what was really powerful about your story, either people who were in the same boat and saying, me too, but for the people who are in the trenches with it, hearing from someone who's saying, you know, there's this day where we have found our rhythm, and it isn't always. So you aren't always in that same
 
NICOLE  34:31  No, yeah and but also to just keep fighting for your child, even if there was a book or even if doctors say this, that doesn't necessarily mean how it's going to be, as you heard in my speech, Maxwell wasn't supposed to be able to do all of these things, and he does. I mean, Saturday, he's doing a track and field competition with Special Olympics, and he's doing, what's the javelin throw and (what's the one with the ball, the...)
 
JENETTE  34:55  Shot put.
 
NICOLE  34:55  Shot put, see! Performer, performer. Or I was like,
 
KERRY  35:00  Jenette is so happy right now,
 
JENETTE  35:02  Sports reference. I got it!
 
NICOLE  35:03  it's intermission, right? No, it's halftime. Got it, okay, yeah,
 
KERRY  35:07  I call our intermission halftime, and Jenette calls it intermission. So,
 
JENETTE  35:11  yeah, yeah, it's terrible.
 
NICOLE  35:12  I'm learning. Yeah, music all the way anyway. So yeah, to make a long story short, he's doing really well, yes.
 
KERRY  35:21  So happy, yes.
 
JENETTE  35:22  So glad to hear it. Yeah. You know, you keep saying there's no book out there. Maybe it's time someone needs to write one. Maybe Nicole Morgan?
 
NICOLE  35:30  You know, it's funny, when he went to kindergarten, I did start writing a book.
 
KERRY  35:34  I think it's called, There is No Book.
 
NICOLE  35:36  Yes, yes. There's actually a musical that says Title of Show. That's the name of the show! But yes, I have four chapters done. So maybe now that Maxwell's in a very good place in school, maybe, maybe Mama will start finishing.
 
JENETTE  35:54  Anyone who's listening is a publisher of motherhood books, please, you can find Nicole Morgan through That's What She Said - we'll be happy to connect you.
 
NICOLE  36:03  Absolutely! Sign me up.
 
JENETTE  36:05  But your experience is so important and so valid. It's so valid.
 
NICOLE  36:10  Thank you,
 
JENETTE  36:11  and so we're just so glad that we could honor your story and share it, both on stage and now today with our friends on The She Said Project Podcast. So thanks for joining us.
 
NICOLE  36:21  Thank you for having me.
 
JENETTE  36:22  Great to see you
 
KERRY  36:24  over and out.
 
JENETTE  36:25  Here we go. 

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[Music: The She Said Project Podcast Theme]
ANNOUNCER  36:29  Thank you for listening to The She Said Project Podcast in partnership with Illinois Public Media. All materials contained in the podcast for the exclusive property of The She Said Project and That’s What She Said, LLC. For more information on our live shows go to [url=https://shesaidproject.com]https://shesaidproject.com[/url]
 
This podcast was made possible with support from Carle and Health Alliance and presented by Sterling Wealth Management, empowering women to live their best lives.


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NICOLE  37:16  That was fun!